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Sunday, February 3

2:50 am

 That's what time it is now as I ride the rails through snow covered flashes of roads and lights that seem untethered to anything real in the dark. I imagine people turning over in their sleep as the rain whistle hums through their windows. I love the train. I love the comforting sway, the  passengers curled up against the windows or sprawled over 2 seats, sleeping, the intimate sound of their snoring  part of the sound of the train itself.

I am on my way to Emma. Emma. How absurd that I have a granddaughter, that I am off to spend a few weeks tending her while Leisha transitions back to working. It is hard to articulate how it feels to have this child of my child in my life. It is unseemly that I am a Grandmother. I feel too young for the title even though many of my friends achieved this milestone at a much younger age. I feel a love for this peanut of a person that is hard to describe. I often just scroll through her pictures and get lost in them. Staring at her like some sort of obsessed fan or something .

Yesterday I had my first CAT scan since the surgery. It was a long day. 2 hours in radiology, most of it waiting for the drink they give you to coat my innards. Then getting the IV and finally the scan itself which takes 5 minutes. Reminds me of what Mom used to say after every holiday dinner. "All that work and it's over in 5 minutes"

Then the biggest wait of all, learning the results from the Dr. I love my new Dr. He is kind and funny and real and very skilled. He knocked on the door and, as he opened it , I felt my heart beat faster. Once you've had a bad scan, you never are comfortable again, I believe. The door opened wide and there he was, big grin and 2 thumbs up. All normal he said and I told him that was a great way to enter a room.

Now I could focus on Emma. Russ wanted to drive me, but the lakes did their magic, dumping unexpected mounds of snow, filing the air with swirling white. The whole trip is from one a Great Lake to another and the thought of squinting through white powder for 8 hrs was not appealing to either of us, although Russ  is always game to give it a go.

So, all I need to do now is make the bus to east Lansing ontime. But, you know it doesn't mean a whole lot to me. All will be well. I have 2 thumbs up to prove it.